men do cry, n boys, a lot

If i could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday,
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that i could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you...

this was the poem that she wrote for me..
am sorry, long time, real long time.

the above piece of words did a lot of things for last couple or so of days. that was the poem she wrote for me. ma puppy. yesss....
alright, thats wat happens. i have 2 reasons y i like it very much. one, it sounds nice, fully ticklish n all... oo.. stop please.. he he, n two, cause she wrote it for me. the later makes me feel more n more happy. she wrote that for me.. :) i did write something in return for her. it was very short n simple. something like 'thanks a lot' i guess. lol.

anyway, now that she knows the blog address i have to write only nice things about her. i would have, even otherwise. k, this a sweet story that happened recently. now, last friday, she suddenly said that they r arranging for her marriage in her house. ahhh... was that a statement, a quesion or a sad news. well, it was all of these for me. first day it was a sentence, i did tried to ignore it. next day it became a question. she asked me 'wat shud i do'. i said go ahead, he looks like a nice guy. but, till now am not sure wat i really wanted at that point of time. do i really wanted her to go away? r that i was expecting her to say 'please marry me'. am not sure, but both the things did not happen. one fat friend of mine, told me a couple of times these days, that puppy has become kind f ugly. i dont know. i did not feel like hittin him. cause he is ma friend too, and i know what puppy is, n how she looks for me. bloody the same fat ass calls her up everytime taking up some inane reasons. i told her in a subtle way that day that, 'hipocrats have become fat now a days'. i dont know if she understood r not. but unfortunately or fortunately, this fat ass had become slim by that time. anyway, where was i. ya, puppy said she was in a confusion. come on man, how could she say this. am there in front of her. instead of saying i will marry u, i dont wanna marry any1 else, she is asking me what shall i do. crap, i tried to be natural n calm. how can i be. then later the third day it became a sad news. sad thudding, nagging, pain of prick. i still tried to be natural, for being natural and calm, my born gift of god. but i could not. i cried that day. i dont know what made me cry, but i cried.

i remember myself crying very a few times. one was when ma parents left me at the boarding school. god, those days i cried like a mad boy. but i will take it all included as one. that after some years made me a rebel kind of a boy. i did all those 'naughty' things, which 'men' beyond my age do, like scolding teachers(in front of them), maintainin heroistic image in front of gals, going out of campus at nights (knowing it was highly offensive), n lot more like this. i thought it was natural and all boys do the same. later when i came to bangalore i got to know it was different with 'english speaking' nerds. anyway, that was about me neing a 'rebel boy'.

i mean i still looked like a small boy when i came to bangalore to study my +2, but i was a rebel. i threw burning matchsticks, ink, chalk, sooo many things at soo many lecturers back. but somehow, by next day morning they used to get to know it was me. earlier i suspected there was a rat in our class. later i got to know, all bangalorean, tution going, studious boys n gals were rats, they know very less about the word friend. i changed myself according to them. that will be the phase when u develop ur personality. anyway, i never cried even then. they said they will not let me give exams, but i did not cry, for me, being a rebel.

then i came to engg. i still was a rebel, kind of still a boyish. i was caught ragging at hostel. they said they will give a police complaint, ruin my career n all. i did'nt give a damn, for that i was a rebel, n i never knew what career meant actually for me. i was kicked out. ma parents came to live with me. i was still a rebel. they expected me to study, be nice, tution going, typical bangalorean kind of a boy. but i hated them, and i was a rebel. i did not listen to them, i said i will never come home if they talked to me like that. boy, did i say that. that was the worst thing that i had ever told ma parents. good that it showed 2 things. that i was no more a boy, n that parents are someone very very precious. and then i cried. after going to next stage from being a boy, i cried, cried and cried. then i learnt how talk to parents. that was another phase of my personality development. even today they know that i smoke, booze, they never tell me anything annoying, i never make them feel that am going in a wrong way. may be thats wat i think. but, i no more was a rebel.

i later turned zany. i never threw fires, but i cracked PJ's. that kind f became ma identity in the class. n u know, zany boys never cry. i never cried. besides being zany i was in so many ways different. i was kind, i was loving, i was toooooo emotional. and i was zany. this gal, ma puppy, made me cry. for the third time, after being zany, she made me cry. i have cried a lot many times for her, even this i will take it as one single count. but in front of her, i cried for the first time yesterday. my face sqeezes in some unconventional way, lips start shaking, voice breaks, i mean totally some bizzare way. i cry making a bizzare gesture. in the same way i cried in front of her. she too cried. for the first time in front of me, she cried. then we realized that we can no more be natural, act natural. and for me she is my puppy. no one can take her away.. wat more, now that i have known this, i will wait for things to change. i always tell her, time changes everything. now that time has changed me, i have started liking her, loving her, n all that bla bla.. but she have not changed. now i ask time, please dont change anything, none of any of us.. if u want to change something badly, change puppy that she'll love me more n more.. lol.. greedy me. k,
i will not change, i know that, dont change my puppy plz.. my puppy, let her be my puppy always, plz time, plz... :)

girls are dangerous

its long time since i posted anything. was kind of busy. i mean to say, my lead had given me some work after a long time. i mean real long time, and some work that really makes some sense and wil not put my effort in dustbin. i have made this policy for myself. always give first priority for company works, for they come up very rare in time. anyway, one thing made me happy yesterday. it carries its soothing effects till some more days to come. i got my first salary hike. 20 percent. hee hee. you may think this is not a matter to celebrate. to tell you the truth, even i think so. that makes me happy, but thats not a thing to celebrate. i forgot to tell you that, this one friend of mine, forget his name, i caunt take his real name and that bugs me to be creative everytime i give a imaginary name to my friends here. anyway, this friend of mine, was depressed some days back. i wil tell u the reason as well. he called me to my cell that day, and u know what after getting totally boozed. its true that ppl get this strange strong intense force within themselves to talk with someone. even i feel the same and i call someone close if no one is around me. i call puppy even if the whole throng is around me and thats different. what i want to tell u is, its really difficult to handle someone, hu is already fully boozed. above that he is alone, he is crying. above that he is depressed over something. above all he is depressed that his love, gave him her handle. i mean she kicked him off away. man, i feel disgusted when someone asks me to hush down a baby crying, how wil i manage this moron. moreover the repeated assertion by him that 'girls are dangerous' made me kind of dreaded. i mean, i always think that am very pragmatic, these changes around me never bother me and all. this ruined the very existence of my belief. i mean, i always believed puppy will never bother me after getting married to someone and all. i will be as very normal kind of. but this very idea of marriage takes me too far and confuses me to the core. then was it, that i read somewhere, somethings are better left as they were. so i left this where it was. still to this point i know, puppy will bring a good powered hurricane in my soft splendid grass life. it was this sunday that puppy told me, her father asked her to go with him for some matrimonial hunt. when she told me this, i never reacted. not that i was startled or anything, but i was emptied in thoughts u know. its better u never reply, when u wont have the confidence that ur reply will rock. its time for me to leave. will continue sometime later k, c ya.

neha turns puppy, and puppy ?

puppy asked for my blog address today. am sorry, this is no new character r anything. this is the same neha of my story, and that i keep calling her anything i want. bad part is that she wont listen n turn to me inspite of me calling her by watever name i want. except for this one word by which i called her that day. i dont remember what the word was. but she called me 'hopeless ass'. this english is wierd and confusing to the core. it has got some thousands and thousands of words which have double meanings. girls themselves are confusing to the core. this adds up to double confusion. she explained that she meant some animal with a tail and four legs when she meant 'ass', later some other day. but u know, crazy ppl think in crazy ways always. watever it may be, but i never hate her. may be i feel like hating her some times, i never actually do.
it was three days since she spoke to me. no calls, no missed calls, not even a sms. above all she says she missed me a lot everytime she meets me after a long time. god damn it. she thinks am a fool ? this is the problem with most of the girls. if they are not snobish and egoistic, they look pathetic and are dumb to the core. if they have even a bit of either smartness r beauty, man u can never look at them. they give u such a feeling that u'll go and hang urself up. but still u can not hate them. i will bet anything over it. boy, u can never say a girl that u hate her. any girl infact. atleast not puppy.
now again i hate calling her puppy. this puppy, r whatever i call her, keeps telling me, how some other phony friends call of her, called her by that name. now come on man. this is heigths. any guy wont like someone else to call his pet ones by their pet names, which u kept. i agree, i didnt keep that name originally. but they can give up. they can give up atleast this name for me to use. now, am thinking of someother name to call her. am not that creative n all originally u know. no one is, if u really wanna know. everybody copies something and take the credit. or may be they mix two or more things up to make a unique solution and call it their unique style. i hate it. i dont mind copying though. i mean, there is nothing wrong in that. if someone copies u, that means they like ur style. thats a compliment. however not in case of the word 'puppy'. thats for me n only me.
now that i did not give her this url, she gave up asking me for it. man, two more times, i would have given her this url. or she could have found that out by herself. may be she can never. crazy ppl not only think crazily, they keep this crazy names for their blogs. anyway, she never forced me. thats what she does always. u wont call her up for weeks, expecting her to guess am angry over something, and come to me in a sweet and low tone. she never cares for u. she thinks she's very smart and understanding. u give up at the end, u call her to say loud mouthed that u r angry on her, guess what she says ? "i knew u were busy last week, atleast i can understand thatmuch". god, give me a break. how can i tell her openly, "u dumb ass, am angry cause u called me 'hopeless ass'". but u know what, i still wont feel like saying her that she's a dumb ass. take out ass, i caunt even say her 'u r dumb'. may b cause am dumb. call me dumb, i dont mind. but not everytime, only for today. never call puppy like that, how dare u.. go away..

about me, neha and toys

here i go, writing my first post. I really dont know why people keep this title before and then the contents. For some reason i hate this. i mean people does'nt even know what they are intending to write about. specially if u r writing this blog.
I dont know what people write in their blogs, but i use it to bare myself. boy, believe me i look scrap when am bare. everybody look scrap when they are bare. bare from their normal look ups and make ups i mean. even otherwise thats true. people look pathetic phtsically bare also. dont mistake me i have not seen any1 naked. except myself. even that was not intentional. these hotel guys keep a large mirror in bathrooms to look at ueself when u r naked. i dont know what thats meant for. i really dont know. a girls photograph would have been a better choice rather.
Anyway, let me tell u, i dont bug u here telling my all sad and embarrasing moments of life. its different that ones embarrassing moments become the greatest comedies for others. i am no exception to this. i prefer laughing. i dont mind if am laughing at someone r am laughing with someone r am laughing at myself. i really dont. may thats what makes ppl around me say am a backbiter. but am not. i personaly feel no one should get sore only because someone laughs at them. provided thats not a girl. man, it kills u when girls laugh at u. i mean it.
so this is not my '5 point someone' story or something. i have lots of reasons to say this. a) am not a five pointer. i had been a topper once. b) there is no neha here. ofcourse u get to meet some girls, but no one is neha here. c) i personally hate someone describing how u feel kissing a girl and having sex with her. afterall she is ur girlfriend. how can u talk like that?
If u ask me, all girls in the world should be put behind bars. they are all thiefs. they take our hearts away. they do it so easily. even with a tough guy like me. how can they do so. again there are exceptions for all statements. i love to see girls crying. i mean, afterall this is the only weapon god has given them. but for some reason, this neha of my book never cries. god she never cried even when i said i hated her. boy, this is the point in ur life u start going down. she says she likes u very much n all that sweet words. u say, u dont love her r anthing, thinking that one tear drops, i will hug her n cry out loud "I L U", only to see that she never cries. bullshit.
I can still remember that day when this girl, neha of my story was telling me the same sweet love story of she n me. for some reason i wanted her to cry, but she never did that. and the wierdest part is, i dont know why, suddenly i felt like crying all of a sudden. Man, if i think of that today, i feel like crap. i cried and all, fine. Then she started to do all these things that some girl, any girl for that matter does to keep a child silent. boy, that really killed me. U know. i always like this kind of romance. go sit in front of a girl and start crying. she does all these ticklish things that u turn up giggling very soon. be a toy, be her toy. i love to be a toy, but i hate toys. afterall men hate other mens too. specially if they try to cry with me. ;)

let me see how it looks