men do cry, n boys, a lot

If i could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday,
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that i could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you...

this was the poem that she wrote for me..
am sorry, long time, real long time.

the above piece of words did a lot of things for last couple or so of days. that was the poem she wrote for me. ma puppy. yesss....
alright, thats wat happens. i have 2 reasons y i like it very much. one, it sounds nice, fully ticklish n all... oo.. stop please.. he he, n two, cause she wrote it for me. the later makes me feel more n more happy. she wrote that for me.. :) i did write something in return for her. it was very short n simple. something like 'thanks a lot' i guess. lol.

anyway, now that she knows the blog address i have to write only nice things about her. i would have, even otherwise. k, this a sweet story that happened recently. now, last friday, she suddenly said that they r arranging for her marriage in her house. ahhh... was that a statement, a quesion or a sad news. well, it was all of these for me. first day it was a sentence, i did tried to ignore it. next day it became a question. she asked me 'wat shud i do'. i said go ahead, he looks like a nice guy. but, till now am not sure wat i really wanted at that point of time. do i really wanted her to go away? r that i was expecting her to say 'please marry me'. am not sure, but both the things did not happen. one fat friend of mine, told me a couple of times these days, that puppy has become kind f ugly. i dont know. i did not feel like hittin him. cause he is ma friend too, and i know what puppy is, n how she looks for me. bloody the same fat ass calls her up everytime taking up some inane reasons. i told her in a subtle way that day that, 'hipocrats have become fat now a days'. i dont know if she understood r not. but unfortunately or fortunately, this fat ass had become slim by that time. anyway, where was i. ya, puppy said she was in a confusion. come on man, how could she say this. am there in front of her. instead of saying i will marry u, i dont wanna marry any1 else, she is asking me what shall i do. crap, i tried to be natural n calm. how can i be. then later the third day it became a sad news. sad thudding, nagging, pain of prick. i still tried to be natural, for being natural and calm, my born gift of god. but i could not. i cried that day. i dont know what made me cry, but i cried.

i remember myself crying very a few times. one was when ma parents left me at the boarding school. god, those days i cried like a mad boy. but i will take it all included as one. that after some years made me a rebel kind of a boy. i did all those 'naughty' things, which 'men' beyond my age do, like scolding teachers(in front of them), maintainin heroistic image in front of gals, going out of campus at nights (knowing it was highly offensive), n lot more like this. i thought it was natural and all boys do the same. later when i came to bangalore i got to know it was different with 'english speaking' nerds. anyway, that was about me neing a 'rebel boy'.

i mean i still looked like a small boy when i came to bangalore to study my +2, but i was a rebel. i threw burning matchsticks, ink, chalk, sooo many things at soo many lecturers back. but somehow, by next day morning they used to get to know it was me. earlier i suspected there was a rat in our class. later i got to know, all bangalorean, tution going, studious boys n gals were rats, they know very less about the word friend. i changed myself according to them. that will be the phase when u develop ur personality. anyway, i never cried even then. they said they will not let me give exams, but i did not cry, for me, being a rebel.

then i came to engg. i still was a rebel, kind of still a boyish. i was caught ragging at hostel. they said they will give a police complaint, ruin my career n all. i did'nt give a damn, for that i was a rebel, n i never knew what career meant actually for me. i was kicked out. ma parents came to live with me. i was still a rebel. they expected me to study, be nice, tution going, typical bangalorean kind of a boy. but i hated them, and i was a rebel. i did not listen to them, i said i will never come home if they talked to me like that. boy, did i say that. that was the worst thing that i had ever told ma parents. good that it showed 2 things. that i was no more a boy, n that parents are someone very very precious. and then i cried. after going to next stage from being a boy, i cried, cried and cried. then i learnt how talk to parents. that was another phase of my personality development. even today they know that i smoke, booze, they never tell me anything annoying, i never make them feel that am going in a wrong way. may be thats wat i think. but, i no more was a rebel.

i later turned zany. i never threw fires, but i cracked PJ's. that kind f became ma identity in the class. n u know, zany boys never cry. i never cried. besides being zany i was in so many ways different. i was kind, i was loving, i was toooooo emotional. and i was zany. this gal, ma puppy, made me cry. for the third time, after being zany, she made me cry. i have cried a lot many times for her, even this i will take it as one single count. but in front of her, i cried for the first time yesterday. my face sqeezes in some unconventional way, lips start shaking, voice breaks, i mean totally some bizzare way. i cry making a bizzare gesture. in the same way i cried in front of her. she too cried. for the first time in front of me, she cried. then we realized that we can no more be natural, act natural. and for me she is my puppy. no one can take her away.. wat more, now that i have known this, i will wait for things to change. i always tell her, time changes everything. now that time has changed me, i have started liking her, loving her, n all that bla bla.. but she have not changed. now i ask time, please dont change anything, none of any of us.. if u want to change something badly, change puppy that she'll love me more n more.. lol.. greedy me. k,
i will not change, i know that, dont change my puppy plz.. my puppy, let her be my puppy always, plz time, plz... :)